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That’s why it’s important to know as much as you can about how transitions work so you can navigate through them with confidence. Having confidence can help you make the most thoughtful decisions about what’s best for you and your family.
These are four things you need to know about transitions.
We often think of transitions as road markers we pass on our travels through life. As you make your way, you encounter significant events that can alter where you’re going. These could be launching a career, finding a partner, starting a family, getting a promotion, filing for divorce, becoming widowed, caring for aging parents, launching children into adulthood, settling into retirement, to name just a few.
But life doesn’t always line up so neatly. You don’t always have the luxury of dealing with one transition before moving on to the next. In reality, transitions come at you fast and furious. You might be enjoying a hard-earned promotion when your child is leaving for college and your father requires around-the-clock care. In short, life is messy.
Rather than try to control the timing of transitions, women must get themselves “change hardy,” by building resilience. Even if you’re not born with resilience, you can develop this muscle by practicing.
There are some life events you just can’t prepare for. One day things are humming along, and the next you might be dealing with a divorce and a major medical diagnosis. How do you plan for that?
Hopefully, you won’t experience too much misfortune. But just in case, it’s best to prepare so you aren’t caught flat footed each time a transition comes your way. Use the times in your life when things are stable to get yourself change ready.
Make sure to…
• Build a support network. Nurture your friendships and co-worker relationships. These are the people you’ll need to lean on if the rug gets pulled out from under you.
• Straighten out your financial house. Work diligently to reduce debt and build savings so you’re financially stable. You’ll be able to focus on the emotional and practical aspects of transitions, without worrying about money.
There’s a lot to each transition and it’s important you see them in all 360 degrees. There are four main aspects of transitions.
• Emotional. Line up the support you need, whether it’s a trusted friend who’s a good listener or a therapist who can help you work through your feelings.
• Family. Transitions rarely impact just one person. Make sure you’ve helped your family understand what’s happening and how it impacts them.
• Practical. Break down everything that needs to be done to deal with a transition. Doing something can help you feel a sense of control at a time when it seems like things are out of your hands.
• Financial. What financial resources will this transition require? If you’re dealing with boomerang kids, for example, that could impact your retirement security. If it’s caregiving, you might need to take a leave of absence from your job. Will that reduce your chances for career advancement.
It’s important to know as much as you can about how transitions work so you can navigate through them with confidence.
When it comes to difficult topics, it’s natural to want to duck and hide. But that strategy rarely results in the outcome we want. Take caregiving. Perhaps your parents would rather not talk about their end-of-life care and whether or not they have enough funds set aside for that care. But in order to help them control the situation and ensure that their wishes are carried out, these conversations must happen.
For better conversations follow these ideas:
• Start early. Whether you’re dealing with the kind of care your parents want when they can no longer care for themselves or how you and your spouse will split the responsibilities of parenthood, it’s important to have these conversations well in advance of the event. You’ll be more relaxed and clear-headed when you’re not in the heat of an emergency.
• Focus on the plan. Make a plan for the role that each person will play. If you’re discussing care for your aging parents, designate a job for each sibling, such as the person who will handle finances and who will deal with the medical aspects.
• Come back and talk again. Essential conversations are rarely a one-and-done kind of event. You’ll want to return to them to check in about how things are going and fine tune aspects of your plan that aren’t working as well as they should.
Life is always changing. While some changes — like getting married or a major promotion — are welcome, they can still cause stress in your life. And some transitions, like divorce, widowhood or caring for an ailing relative, are just hard. Since transitions are inevitable, it’s best to get yourself change hardy and build up resilience.
Use periods of stability to build a support network and shore up your finances so that when a transition comes your way, you’ll be prepared and confident.
Amy D’Aprix, MSW, PhD, CPCA, is an internationally renowned speaker, author and life transitions professional. “Dr. Amy”, as she is affectionately known, uses her 30+ years of experience to provide down-to-earth, practical, and professionally informed guidance and advice on issues such as retirement, aging, caregiving,and family dynamics.
She has written the book From Surviving to Thriving: Transforming Your Caregiving Journey, and co-created a CD/Workbook: Building the Bonds of Friendship in Midlife and Beyond. Dr. Amy is a frequent guest on radio and TV shows and has written numerous articles for print and online publications
Estate planning requires legal assistance which BMO Harris Bank N.A. and its affiliates do not provide. Please consult with your legal advisor.
This is part 1 of the 1-part series on bmo for women
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